Personally, nothing interest me anymore.
Like margrot barber once said, One day you are the cock of the walk…the next, a feather duster. We are too young to be this sad and tired- unknown.
I’m just here. Doing nothing. Considering the fact that I have no idea what am I doing, I’m doing it very well. Doing nothing, just there, I easily get mentally weak, which makes me simultaneously physically drained.
Not capping.
I really dunno. I mean, I can just look at things and get weak ,can merely imagine some things and get tired. I have suffered so much from people this year without a fight. I get soft each day, getting tired of people. I could fight all but I choose not to. Not the physical fight by the way. A story of betrayal of trust, hope, promise and all. Still, I have no hate in my heart.
I easily get beaten emotionally. People who know this mostly take advantage of it to their pleasure. But you see, I can be mean too. Extremely but rare now, I don’t really know what’s happening. I think, I need to work on my wickedness. Then, there is me this year, just vibing. No set goals for this year.
Sat down few weeks ago, to scribble my few things forcefully but I knew deep down I ain’t doing anything. Story of my life. The resolution is gone. Just want the year to run through and all.
Everytime I achieved goals I had made. I realised I felt nothing. Just emptiness. I had long discover where my happiness has lied, Nothing. The society has made nothing into becoming something in our lives. Why worry? Has worry ever solve a thing?
Phone calls from unknown numbers make me nervous.My heart skips sometimes when I get calls. I haven’t even done anything criminal. Intend to place my device on permanent silence (mode) now. Imagine, this year is the first time I’d be using the block button for calls. Generally sef. I’ve gone up to block multiple people. Don’t want to be stressed.
This is my reality mehn.
Sometimes, I feel like walking up to control traffic. I ain’t even conversant with it all. On some days, like walking, jogging for hours on some days, isolated at one place doing nothing.
Do I need a break? Do I intend to start afresh.
In our resolution to get better with each day, I just hope we don’t get exhausted by it… towards discovering that we want nothing, Nothing. Funny as I chose not to acknowledge my birthday this year. Ofcourse , I engage all posts as with me but I never made any post publicly referencing the day for what it stands for. As I had agreed with my soul and body not to age this year. Which means I was only a year older on paper but technically, 23: a year behind.
But people remembered. I love my people, they are family.
Every year, I got a lot of wishes on my birthday. With the current always superseding the former. Always overwhelmed with love; messages , vidoes , gifts, songs, shout outs and all. This year was different. Now, perhaps am I on the Journey towards self discovery ? Or am I lost ? To fly ? To swim ? To walk ? To crawl ? Who am I ?
Is Ajayi samuel Adeyemi another person awashed in the stink of wasted potential?
Truth remains,whichever one I choose to go for , I have the potential or the capacity or ability to it. When you miss the reason for your existence, you lose the purpose. Lol. Don’t come at me with that thought , It is difficult making people see worth in themselves these days.
I’d be ending these rant with a random quote, one of my favorites from a movie , Ava which goes ” Count no man as happy until his end is known. it’s not until you know how someone dies that you know what really matters to them, what they cared about, what they’d sacrifice for. What they would die for. Who they loved and who loved them in return.we don’t have much control over our lives. But our end ? Sometimes we write that story.”
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